The Evolution of Me

Over the past week n a half, I have been at odds with everyone and everything. I mean it, roomates, Mother, school, little old lady taking forever to cross the street, I swear I was about to pop off. And it wasnt until this past Sunday that I realized I was PMSn.

Have u seen the commercial for PMDD??? I def think I have it. I swear I cannot function properly when "Eve" is comin to visit. I think I may really need to go see my doctor about puttin me on something to control it. Cuz its ridiculous. I feel like a nut case.

But to recap of the things that happened under Code Red:

1. I was in my feelings about this guy talkin to my roomate over me

LOL at my psycho butt. Like I clearly didnt even know this dude to say that I liked him. And I shouldnt have been upset with my roomate because she got that joint. Dont hate congratulate! Heyyy... Yea, I can now say that was really petty but at the time I was really hurt about it.

2. Me n my mom got into our first ever real fight and I just left

Another hit of the CODE RED. Normally my mom fusses and I just ignore it but this time I just wasnt in the mood so I was like forget it. I just got in my car and drove back to school. Then I proceed to cry all the way there and all night long. Such a punk. I hate crying. Its ok once and a while but too much of it is a sign of weakness. Needless to say I woke up the next morning UGLY with puffy red eyes and red nose. Ewwww

3. I was contemplating quitting life in general.

Im still just feeling blah. Like I dont feel like I belong anywhere. I never felt like I fit in with my peers, but at least I had my mom was rationalization. But after the fight, I felt like I had lost my last thing. I was gonna quit all person to person interaction with the exception of goin to class and just grind my way through the next few semesters of school then move away. But Im no quitter! I have to keep my head up.

Needless to say, the storm has passed and I am settling down back into my normal routine.

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WTF I am soo freakin Annoyed. I come home to spend time with my mother and all she wants to do is work all weekend. Thats all she ever does. Im so tired of it. Im so tired of every freakin a thing. I just want to run away to be by myself where people cant annoy me and things wont bother me. UGH.

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So lately I've been on a tirade about ugliness. How do ugly ppl kno that they are ugly? I mean, do ppl tell them? Think about it, if one of ur friends asked you if they were ugly would u tell them?

I asked a few of my friends if they would tell me and they all said no. Y not? As my friend it is kind of you duty to tell me the truth about myself and not have me walkin around like I'm THE "poo-poo" when in reality I LOOK like sum "poo-poo". But anyways they all said they wouldnt tell me. So I turned to Facebook for sum answers. I changed my status asking ppl to tell me if they thought I was cute or ugly. With the exception of the homo remarks made by my closest friends about my breasts, the ppl who answered all said I was cute. But then that got me to thinkin... they are my friends and clearly my friends said they wouldnt tell me I was ugly in the first place. SO clearly I was back at square ONE!!!

Meanwhile, I met this new guy last night. We can call him Fred. As soon as he walked in the door I thought about how I wanted to kiss him. But alas one of my roomates felt the same way. SO I was like oh no, this one is mine. I put myself out there without throwing myself out there u kno. I he was going back and forth from talking to me to goin across the room and talkin to her. Needless to say the competition was over before it started. I watched as he was talkin to her and I saw he seemed to be more into her than me. SUCKED MAJOR BALLS So I just let it go. Yea it kinda hurts cuz if they do hit it off Ima have to see his butt and remember how he chose her over me.

And it was at that moment that I came to the finally decision that I am just here. Im not ugly but not really pretty... just HERE! Hopefully one day I will finally grow out of this awkward stage (been in it since I was like 12 lol) and become the beauty I wanna be.

Sidebar:: They r goin out on a date tonite and im tryna be an adult about it and get over it but it still bothers me. And im not one to hide my feelings. I wear it on my face. Ugh.. pray for me that I dont snap off on somebody... *eyeroll*

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Ok so I didnt get my nose ring. ( I kno.. I suck {no balls}). I was all ready to go do it when my mom says "Y are u doing this??" And I couldnt answer her. I really didnt have a good reason for gettin one besides the fact that I was bored with myself. I have this insane habit of doing very random things when Im bored. So I am gonna hold off on it until I decided if I want it because I want it or if I want it because Im bored.

Meanwhile I am freezing. My art professor had us outside drawing crap for 2 flippin hours. Can we say SUCKS BALLS?!?! My nose was running, eyes watering, shivering and all. Then she comes around and says "you havent gotten very far.." Umm excuse me but it is cold. The wind is blowing and you want me to sit on the ground where insects dwell.... Forgive me if my drawing is not up to your standards.

I miss my mommy. I just saw her yesterday but we werent really together because she took my car to get serviced. { No more annoyin screeching when I reverse... YES!!!} And U have 2 exams on the same day next week so I call myself studyin which didnt go too well because I am not a studier. I cant study to save my life. Im just one of those ppl who if I dont get it in class, I wont get it later. Hate studying with a purple passion. My no study policy has worked well for me thus far but one day I may actually have to crack open a book.. I kno, sucks balls right? But back to what I was sayin.. (See how easily I got sidetracked.. OLD AGE) I miss my mom. I cant remember the last time we hugged. We kissed bye yesterday but I need one of those good old fashion everything-in-the-world-is-ok-as-long-as-u-are-here-with-me HUGS.... sigh.

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