The Evolution of Me

Yesterday was Tupac's bday. The radio was blastin his jams all the way home from work. Ive heard Tupac songs before but for some reason, yesterday I listened to his songs. He was jah deep. He wasnt just rappin about bull, he was all about life, real life, the real like of real people. Something that few "rappers" do today.

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So.. yesterday.. Rico called. *cue dramatic music*

Out the blue. We havent talked since the incident. At first I didnt recognize the number but then I recollected that it was his work number. So I answered. I know. Bad judgement on my part but I was bored at work. The govt drove me to do it.



The conversation went ok. I mean me and him could always talk about anything. It was like catchin up with an old friend. Kinda miss rappin to him and his goofy butt.



Anywho when we got off the phone he hit me with "So is it ok if I call you again?" I said yea but Im sure he wont be callin me. But maybe one day we can actually be friends.. LOL. SIKE.





This just in: MICKEY B IS BEING NICE TO ME!!!!

I have no clue why. But he has been hittin me up with the "boo boo" "sweetie" "pumpkin" and all types of terms of endearment. I dont know what has inspired this changed in him but Im not gonna question it. Im just gonna enjoy it while it lasts. LOL



And sigh. I have been makin time with Senor Smooth. LOL. I went over his place the other day. It was chill. All G rated. We been textin on a reg and the hopes of a date may be in the midst. Hmmm only time will tell.



But this summer should def be interesting to say the least.

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S M H

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I think the theme of this blog can be best summed up by Estelle's "No Substitute Lover". So in true Morgo fashion, I must post the a few lyrics.

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EWWWW
Its Monday. Im normally pretty unbiased about my days of the week but what person honestly lives for Monday to come around? Yea.... I didnt think you could name any.
Its been a min since my last post. Thats because I have been in the bed recuperating for the past 5 days. Nothing serious. I just got my wisdom teeth pulled. ALL 4 of them.

So on Thursday, I go into the "oral surgeon's" (nope they arent just dentists) office, fill out the standard forms and what not. Then the nurse or "oral surgeon assistant" calls me back to a room that feels like Frankenstein was created there. I mean the ceiling had weird holes in it. The chair was old and raggedy. The walls werent a pleasant off-white but more of a cream color that comes with time and lack of cleaning. (Yes I do believe in washing walls, especially if they are white!)

So she pulls up my x-ray and asks me "Have you ever had any teeth removed before?" Clearly if she looked at my xray she could see that all 32 teeth were definitely in my mouth. The fact that she asked me that question (when clearly I who has no type of dental degree can see that by looking at my xray) is a little unassuring. I decide that she is just making conversation and engage. "No. This is my first time. Is it gonna hurt?" "No, what you will feel is pressure. Most first timers confuse pressure with pain tho. I need to take a new xray."

She takes the xray and this one comes out pretty much the same as the first one. Actually I think the one my dentist gave me was better quality. I go back into the room. The OS comes in and introduces himself as he washed his hands. (Side bar: I love the fact that they have sinks in places like that. I have a bit of OCD and someone sticking their hand into my mouth is not on my list of oks.) Then he tells me about the procedure. First he pulls out this GIANT needle. The point itself was as long as my middle finger. Im not scared of needles so I was like cool. I recently had a cavity filled so I was pretty familiar with the whole needle in gums to numb thing. SO he does both sides top and bottom. He leaves me there to let in set in. Then he comes back and applies another round to the bottoms. His assistant gives him the materials and he starts workin. I dont really feel any pain but I do feel his movin my teeth. After a minute or so of fiddling POP, the first tooth comes out. He moves to the other side. This time after only like 30 seconds POP. the second tooth comes out. That was the easy part. Now he has to do the bottom which will be a bit more tricky because they havent come up yet. So he takes out his little blade and slices into my gums. I feel nothin. He does pretty much the same pushing and tugging he did up top but it seems to be a bit more difficult. SO he pulls out this little mini drill type thing that spouts water. I feel something CRACK. Not exactly a reassuring feeling when someone is working in your mouth. He pulls out a piece of what I gather to be my tooth. After a few more tugs another piece comes out. And another. ( I KNEW I HEARD A CRACK!) So he cleans the spot and then proceeds stitch my gums. 3 down, 1 to go. He moves over to the other side. I brace myself for another ordeal with cracks and pieces and the whole sha-bang but it was rather smooth. He stitched me up, stuck 2 mounds of gauze in my mouth and I was ready to go. His assistant gave me a prescription and extra gauze. My momma was waiting for me in the waiting room when I came out. Gotta Love HER.

Over the next few days I did nothing but take my meds n lay. To do anything else was too much. Vicodin is the BOMB. I mean that one pill had me on cloud 9. It might have been because I hadnt had anything to eat. But I was feeling good. I took one of those and less than 10 min later I was feelin it and 20 mintues later I was knocked out. (Mind you this is coming from a gurl who once popped 14 pills of asprin because 2...4...6....8....etc had no effect on my menstrual cramps and then went to school the next day to take exams) They also prescribed me an antibiotic, Penicillin. Now I dont have any know allergies to medicines but everytime I took this crap, I felt nauseous. So today I called the office and asked them to give me a different prescription. I havent been takin that ish like I was supposed to, so I hope I dont get an infection.

The only visitor I had was Mickey B. He came over Friday morning. He first sent me a text that read "Coming to beat the cheeks" I replied "pass" and went back to sleep. Then a couple of hrs later he called me and said open the door. I thought he was lying. I didnt see his car out front when I looked out the window. But I managed to mumble something like I wasnt home and then I saw him walking down the driveway. So I let him in. I did indeed look a mess (reminiscent of a dry chipmunk) My purple hair scarf wrapped around my head. I hadnt showered or washed my face or brushed my teeth. My jaw was swollen beyond belief. Yep just NASTY! But I let him in. He came into my room with me. He looked at me and said "So this is what you will look like when ur fat. Its ok. Ur still cute." I roll my eyes and we lay down to watch a movie. He falls asleep during the first movie. So while he is drooling on my pillow, I decided to atleast have to common courtesy to make myself look decent. So I showered and what not and proceeded to make me some mashed potatoes (the only thing Ive been able to eat for the past 5 days). When I got back in the bed with him, he had woken up and was on the phone with his aunt. They talked while I ate and then we watched another movie. When it was over he left. I popped another Vicodin and went back to sleep. LOL

I decided to come into work today. I dont have any leave. But if I wanted to stay home today nobody would blamed me. My jaws are still puffy and I cant chew solid food. I am so hungry. The only positive thing about today was the fact that I was gonna get paid today. SO when I get to work, I log into my bank account. Now it has been a while since I worked but I was almost pretty sure that the $$ credited was not reflective of the 80 hrs I put on my time sheet. So I log onto the Employee Pay thingy they have and it shows that I only got paid for 52 hrs. WTF!?!? HOLD THE PHONE!!! 28 hrs last pay period were federal holidays. As a govt employee I am entitled to federal holidays!!!! I am outraged! I sent the Time and Attendance lady and email and I am waiting for her response.

My mom seems to think that because I am not a full time employee I do not reap the benefits such as paid holidays! Thats bull. I know of other interns who got theirs! and I have been working here for going on 2 yrs and I do believe that I received holiday pay last yr. So somebody better have some answers for me or have my $$ in my acct. Geez.

I was just feeling bad about going to another agency thats closer to me in Bmore so that I could make $$ during the semester and be a bit more financially independent. But if this is the BULL they tryna pull on me, I wont have second thoughts about it. Please Buh- Leev- Meh!

Dueces n Smoochez

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Have you ever heard a song that just expresses how you feel better than any words you couldve fathomed? It happens to me alot. Keyshia Cole, Alicia Keys, Jazmine Sullivan all have songs that hit the nail on the head. But I have come to the conclusion that Beyonce must have been me in her past life. I kno that really doesnt make sense but hopefully u get what Im tryna say. I can think of atleast 10 of her songs off the top of my head that surround a situation in my life: Yes, Speechless, Resentment, Be with U, Me Myself and I, Dangerously in Love, Flaws n All, Im Alone Now, Broken Hearted Girl, Halo, Disappear, Sweet Dreams and Scared of Lonely. (ok that was more than 10) Point is that when a situation pops up, I can always count on Beyonce to have a song that deals with it. But the one song that just has me in the zone everytime is Woman Like Me. So I decided to include the lyrics in today's blog.

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So NYE.... lol... its was interesting. I will go thru my checklist.

Dinner (check): had a reservation for 6pm and didnt get seated until 8. Thats what happens when you have a party of over 25 ppl. BTW who knew that NYE was a holiday that ppl went out to eat? The restaurant was packed! My male "best friend" was my date for the eve. I'm glad he came because I got a free meal. I love him. Thanks!!! I wasnt really hungry so I just had a small order of calamari.
IDK y but everytime I go out to eat. There is an ordeal. Because our party was so large, they gave us two servers. When the lady came back with my drink (Shirley Temple w/lite ice), the straw fell out the glass and taps the table and lands on the saucer next to me. I have OCD and I was def not using that straw. So I say "Excuse me, Can I have another straw please?" This wench replies "it just touched the saucer." SAY WHAT??? I did not ask her to tell me where the straw was, I asked her to bring me another one. I have worked in food service before and as customer, I am always right and if I asked her for 5 straws she needed to give them to me without attitude. If it was up to me she would not have gotten a tip. But I didnt pay and they added gratuity because of the party size. So I let it go but I did give her the eye for the rest of the night.

Party (check): We didnt go down to the ball until after the ball dropped. Good thing we decided to have a couple sips before heading down tho because it was WEAK!!!! They kept the lights on the entire time. WTF is this middle school.
When I got off the elevator I saw Rico's cousin in the lobby of the hotel. At first I didnt recognize her. But then it clicked. She was like "You look pretty. Rico is gonna kill you." I wanted to say girl, Rico is not my man and he dont have claims to this. You are mistakin me for Kayla. But I didnt. I just said thanks and kept it movin.

Hotel Room(check): It was actually nice in the rooms for what we paid for them. I would def go back there for a romantic rendezvous. lol

All in all it was fun. We didnt really do anything spectacular but when you are with fun people, even a trip to 7-11 can be entertaining.

NYD
I picked up Boo (Biggums). Actually I kidnapped him because I had brought him to my house and then gave my mom my car to use so she could go to work. So he was definitely stranded with me. LOL. I think our relationship is gettin better. We only argued maybe 2 the whole day, which is a miracle because we go at it like cats n dogs.

When my mom came back we all went over to my grandmas (sperm donor side) for NY dinner. My whole family was there. Boo had already met my grandma n aunt. This time he met my sperm donor, his wife and her parents, my lil sis, and my uncles. LOL. Needless to say it was kinda awkward but I just took him downstairs and we chilled in the basement with my lil sis. I tried to make it as painless as possible. My sperm donor had the balls to make a smart comment about if he woulda known he would bought his "piece." Im like Puh-LEEZ. Who is afraid of you? And the last time I checked your opinion doesnt matter. Just because u ejaculated in my mom doesnt mean you have a say.

After a couple hrs, we left. My mommy said that as soon as we left everyone started askin her questions about me n boo, whether or not he was my boyfriend, how long we have known each other, what school he went to.. etc. Luckily my mom knows that I hate ppl being in my business so she just answered idk.. ask Morg. That was the right answer because none of my family have the balls to ask me questions about my personal life. LOL LOve HER!

So me n boo went back to my house. Chilled n watched a movie or 3. I actually was sleeping because I didnt get much sleep the night before and I was up early kidnappin him. Then things started to get heavy (if u know what i mean). I of course stopped it before it went too far but lets just say that I had to wear a turtle neck to work this morning.

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I am at a point in which I have no expectations at all from the male species. I expect them to be males and therefore to be pigs. There are so many things women tend to overlook for the sake of "love." Im tired of being blinded. In 09 im callin it like I see it. A spade is a spade and these dudes out here are TRIFLING!

I am standing behind my choice to leave Rico in 08. Its for the best. Sigh. I will miss him but I gotta look out for myself since no one else will. I say these final words to him: "Rico, U knew it wouldnt last forever. So now's a good as time as any to give of the charade and keep it 100. U did me wrong. Its cool. I did u wrong too. Somethings just arent meant to work out."

My new text buddy, T-time, is kind of amusing. I dont really find him attractive but I like the entertainment. Our conversations often have me crackin up. Not at the things he says but at the responses I give him

T: How are you today?
Me: Im good. U?
T: Chillin. Thinkn about U ;)
just got back to Bmore
M: No work today?
T: No tomoro
M: Yea me too. Im not lookin forward to it either.
T;Well until then u can always come lay with me
M: ... doesnt sound interesting....
T: oh wow "played".... So u gonna let me be ur temp boyfriend?
M: Maybe. What do u have to offer over other candidates?

He goes into this spew about how he is honest and not jealous and what not, so I reply....

M: Interesting. The Board will review you application and get back to you with our final decision!
Then he segways into random stuff:
T: I think you have some sexy A$$ legs and a smile of deception. To be honest I find u extremely attractive and Im sure I would attempt to get with u
M: Well to be honest, the fact that you are temporary eliminates any chance of u gettin with me!

I do not have time to play these games with these little boys. I am lookin for a MAN. Someone who can fulfill all duties, not just the physical.

The true object of my affection is Biggums. IDK y tho. He is probably the most difficult person I have ever dealt with in my life. Maybe that's why I like him. He makes me work for what I want. I just hope that he isnt having me work this hard in vain.

Its crazy. There are some days I just want to tell him to KMA and chuck the dueces to him. But he is the only person who can make me mad one minute then 2 mintues later have me smiling. I enjoy lookin at his face. Its not all that cute to be honest but when I look at him I think awwww.... I just dont know how much longer I can sit around waiting for him to decide he wants to be with me. (I sound sprung... can we say PROBLEM!) I know he feels the connection we have. He has admitted it himself before.

Last night, we were arguing like usual. I made him mad because I wouldnt answer he question(see next paragraph). So then he makes me mad by sayin he wanted me gone. I told him that if he really felt that way all he had to do was say it to me and it was a done deal. He wouldnt say it. Then he started callin me all these gay pet names like Snuggles.. WTF. Then I did something else to annoy him. I knew he was mad so I put on my baby voice and asked him to come over. He said it was too late to come over but he would come tomoro.. (which is today)!!! We gave each other kisses n got off the phone. Thats classic us! We make each other mad, we get over it and then act mushy. His brother was in the background singin "break up to make up." lol

One of the biggest problems we have is that I dont answer his questions. Its not that I dont wanna answer his questions, its just that some of the questions he asks me are hard to answer. He is tryna figure me out. But I wont let him in my brain. I am an only child with abandonment issues from being left by my father. So to let a man get close enough to me to the point he is inside my head is not a comforting thought. Im not tryna be that girl who opens herself up and gets played! And even tho I have know Biggums for over a yr, I still dont see him as a semi-permanent fixture in my life. Until I can be sure that he is really not gonna leave or hurt me, maybe then I can let him in.

I would try to tell him what I just said, but he prolly wouldnt understand....ugh.. MEN!

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Soooo.... It has been FOREVER since I last blogged. Im such a loaf! However now that school is officially over (insert applause and cheers here) I will be more apt to writing. I am so glad that Fall 08 semester is over. It was kinda stressful to say the least. So far I have gotten one A and two A-. Still 2 grades to go and Im kinda expecting Bs in both of them. The whole world knows how I feel about Bs but oh well. It is what it is and I cant do anything about it now. I can finally turn my brain off and relax so to speak. I really missed my mom alot because I wasnt coming home every weekend like i had been doing for my first two years of college.

Now I am home with her everyday.. which is terrific! I missed her soo much. Her laugh, her smile, just doing nothing with her. But unfortunately that means being home with her TRIFLING husband. UGh. Just the thought of him disgusts to me no end. Do all boys grow up to be trifling men? Is that like a requirement to be a man? If so, please hold my husband!!! I dont know if I am going to make it through the entire break without kirkin off on him. So far, he stays out of my way and I stay out of his. But I have only been home since Friday. I got another 4 weeks to go. Pray that I make it.

I have officially returned to my job with DHS. Today is my frist day back. Good ole govt job that pays me soo well for doing soo little.... how I love u and yet I hate u. I have to wake up too early and sit at a desk doing bull for 8 hrs a day. I cant hang out with my friends at night cuz I have to get up early in the morning. BLAH. Watev- Im gonna find a away to have some fun this break.. or else!!

Last night I saw him! We will call him Biggums. (IDK just random.. lol) But he came over last night. It was our first time seeing each other since the club fiasco back around thanksgiving. IDK what I am going to do with that boy. He is the only one I really want but at the same time I dont want him. Its complicated. Yesterday his brother said that we were funny together. He said it would be really funny to see if we ever did end up together. or even married... GULP!

IDK if I would go that far as to say that I would marry him. But I would like to see more of him. He makes me happy, until he opens his mouth and says something to piss me off! LOL But still there is something about him I cannot deny or just forget about. And it is really starting to tick me off... I have to know. I need to know. I hate not being in control!!!

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