Tomorrow I start my new job as a Financial Analyst for the Dept of Navy. Its a whole new ball field. There will be alot of changes. No more 2 hr lunches, no more dressing how I want, leaving early, taking snoozes under my desk and most significantly NO PHONE ALL DAY!!! smh. Im nervous but excited.
Ok. So I have a twitter. But I always said I wouldnt be that person who spewed their feelings via twitter.. cuz that aint the venue for a emotional party. so here goes the push:
My first grad school class hasnt even been over for 3 days and Im already missing it. Now that I dont have homework. I dont have anything to do at work. Ugh.
Its beyond frustrating.
Good thing I wont have to worry about this too much longer. I am getting a new job soon... with a Top Secret Clearance and greater promotion potential. And I heard they actually do work there.. so woot woot!!!.
I have mixed feeling about leaving tho. Ive made a pro con list for both agencies:
DHS (current job)
Pro: been here for 4 yrs. I was the only student worker they brought back after budget cuts and after I graduated, they promised me a job and here I am. I do what I want (2 hr lunches, leave early, come in late, etc). no work to do so I have time to complete my schoolwork. Its the norm. In 2 months I will be up for a promotion.
Con: I AM BORED. I do nothing all day. I do the same things now that I did as a student intern. There is no challenge. Im over it.
DOD (new job)
Pro: top secret clearance (i can go anywhere with that), new opportunity, greater growth potential ($$$$)
Con: Having to start over as the rookie (learning the ropes, proving myself, no long lunches etc) cant take my cell phone in my actual office!!! Might have to start my yr over in order to get my promotion.
I mean, I am a loyal person. But I feel like I cant grow here. Its dead. Im basically over it. But I admit, I will miss my freedom.
Im ready for something new..
And continuing on with being ready for new things, I think Im ready to be in a relationship. Key Word: THINK.
I just want to see if I can do it. My friends and family doubt it though. *some support system* HMPH!
We shall see whats to come.
So I was having a conversation with X yesterday (yes, we talk again. long story. dont ask).. and I was explaining to him how I feel about my weight gain and my new body shape. When we were in middle and high school, I was teased about being too skinny. I longed for the day when I could fill out a pair of jeans. Now the day has finally come when I have curves and a little coke bottle shape and Im longing for the day when I return to a stick. He assured me that I looked fine (actually he told me that my body was great) and that I shouldnt worry. Cuz it makes no sense.
Then he started talking about how its a turn off for guys when an attractive female (such as myself) with alot going for herself (such as myself) finds the one thing she thinks isnt perfect about herself (my weight) and obsesses over it.
And that makes sense.
Its all about Confidence and Security.
Think about it. You ever see a really attractive female with a busted guy and wonder why??? It's probably because that guy was confident about what he has to offer. He was secure with himself. He might not be the best guy out there, but he is the best him and there is no other person just like him.
I also notice that on days when I feel best about myself, I walk a little differently. I exude pride in myself. And those are the days when I get approached by guys.
I have alot going for myself. Im 22, no kids, no real debt, good job, with a bachelors degree, currently seeking a dual masters. I am not obese or flubby. Just bigger than what I used to be (now: 5'8"32D-26-38 then: 5'8" 32A, 26, 34). And whats wrong with growing? Im still smaller than most of the chicks my age. No guy has ever seen me naked and urged me to put my clothes back on so why trip. I am perfectly me.
So from now on, I wont obsess over the 10 lbs Ive put on since high school. Im not going to work out 7 days a week, calorie count, and skip meals. Im going to look in the mirror everyday before I leave out and tell myself that I am perfect the way I am.
Confidence is swag. Its the one thing you must remember to put on everyday.
Become secure in what God has given you and let you confidence take you to new heights.
